no troubles, just bubbles

"Why am I not on a boat? I just want to be underwater. I wonder what the fishies are doing at this moment." These are constant thoughts trickling through my head at any given moment since the time I arrived home from my trip to Thailand. I am so confused.

This is going to be a hard blog to write. I don't know how to sum up my experiences this time. There are so many things I could say, so many stories I could tell or feelings I could try and put into words. 

Here is a little excerpt of writing I punched into my phone before falling fast asleep after a day of diving: 

Okay. As if things could get any better.

Okay, they could. I could have seen a whale shark with the majority of the other people on the boat. But I didn't. But it's okay. Maybe I will tomorrow. Maybe I will in a few years. Maybe 10 years from now. But I'm not losing hope. My time will come. However hard it is to not be a bit jealous of everyone else, patience is a virtue. 

Let's instead talk about ALL THE AWESOME THINGS that I saw and that I did. Richelieu Rock is phenomenal. The colors. The swarms of fish (and other divers). Things that I've only seen in pictures, now alive and thriving before my eyes. I still can't get those beautiful manta rays out  of my head. Being suspended, weightless, in the water with those three beautiful creatures circling me seems like it was a dream.

With each dive I am feeling more and more comfortable... But after our last dive today it became obvious. It was perfect. A "secret" dive sight. It's not on the maps. It's not outlined in any book or a stop for any tour group. The tour leader ended up diving this sight almost by accident. It's off the rocky shore of a quaint little island where some people will go to snorkel and sun bath and eat some food. But they don't take the food off the island with them. It goes straight into the water. 

Unfortunately these people have a hard idea distinguishing between left over rice and plastic utensils. 

Dive master flex explained that this dive wasn't going to have the purple coral and "appeal" as Richelieu. But what it had was character and a crap load of aquatic life. AND SEA TURTLES. 

This was probably one of my favorite dives. Not only did picking up the trash feel incredibly satisfying, but I loved playing around with my buoyancy to get me there. Before the trip, this is one of the things that I was most worried about. I wasn't very good at it during my certification. I finally figured it out though. I was up and down, weaving through rocks and picking up plastic forks like it was second nature. I was slightly impressed with myself. I didn't even smash into anything and only managed using a finger to push myself up once. 

The whole trip was perfect. Everything went as planned. From traveling to my time on the boat, I don't think anything could have gone any more right. We got where we needed to be, when we needed to be there. I got to catch up with my best friend, hear about her experiences being a nomad through out Thailand. Hug her and tell her how much I freaking love her. I got to wander around Khao Lak and drink cheap beer. I got to learn new things and meet new people (and new fish). I got damn lucky. That's for sure.

I spent three amazing days on a boat, diving and eating and swimming and being happy. Besides seeing the most unreal things under the water, there are almost equally unreal things going on above water. Hanging out with people between dives, chatting about life experiences and listening to music and eating food. Don't even get me started on the adorable Thai staff. From helping me get my gear on, to cooking meals for 15 people in a teeny tiny room (I'm talking Harry Potter closet under the stairs tiny), to smiling at me every time I encounter them. When I wasn't learning a thousand new things a minute about diving and fish and life under the water, I was soaking in the sun or chatting or reading and always eating. Relaxing. Gearing up for what was sure to be another incredible experience 20 meters below the calming waves of the Andaman Sea.

The first time I saw manta ray.
 

I wanted to scream, but screaming underwater is weird and I didn't want to scare it away. So I screamed in my head. Not like a "holy shit, I'm scared" scream. It was a "I can't believe this is happening, look at that thing, it's so big, I think I'm going to cry" scream. And as it glided through the water like the majestic creature that it is, I might have teared up a little bit.

To say we got lucky is an understatement. There wasn't as much as a ten minute gap where we weren't gawking at a manta ray. My first proper dive. How am I ever going to top that?

While I was sitting on the top deck of the boat that first night on the boat, looking at the stars and squealing with excitement at the arrival of any and every burst of heat lightning - I asked Karyn how I would ever be able to describe this experience.

There aren't words. It's too unreal. Too perfect. No matter how detailed I get in this blog, or how many pictures I take, or how awesome my compilation video turns out... This experience will only seem complete in my memory. 

Over years, memories will fade. I'll forget the little things. But I guarantee there is one thing I won't forget, and that's how incredibly incredible all the feelings that I am feeling feel.

FEELS.